Why do people feel anxious? Genetics, brain chemistry, medical conditions, drug use, and environmental stressors such as childhood and adult trauma which can be triggered, causing anxiety. Certain risk factors that may increase a person’s chance of having an anxiety disorder; if the person was diagnosed with other mental health disorders such as depression, childhood abuse, childhood trauma, adult trauma, medical illnesses, substance abuse, and low self-esteem.

After 58-plus years of living and learning, not fully living and learning, learning from my hospice patients and others, I have come up with some thoughts on life.

1. Always be open to changing your mind. Continue to learn, grow, and be receptive to the possibility of thinking differently.

2. You will NEVER get time back again.

How do people who are successful in many areas of their lives find themselves stuck in toxic relationships? They may see the red flags, feel something is wrong, and listen to their friends telling them to get out, but still feel paralyzed to leave. They get up every day and take care of their children, and their partners, they are successful at work, have good friendships, and can enjoy many aspects of their lives, but in their homes, they are often unhappy and in survival mode.

I want empathy and understanding for my ups and downs. I want my feelings validated. Please know I can’t control my emotionsnow. I don’t even understand them. I’ve never been through this before, at least not with this person. All I want to do is go back in time and have my mother, father, spouse, partner, friend, child, sibling, pet, boss, and all others that left me by death be by my side during this holiday.

The holiday season can be joyful for many and, for others, a time of stress, depression, and anxiety.

According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people say they are stressed during the holidays and only 8% say they feel happier. (APA December 18,2018) According to a Healthline survey; 65% of GenXers, 62% of baby boomers and 61% of millennials reportedstress during this time. Bottom line, holidays can be stressful.

I believe there is so much pressure to feel and act elated that not feeling so makes it difficult to admit the truth and ask for help. You may feel shame or that something is wrong with you. You may not want to be “Debbie Downer.” You may believe that everyone around you is gleeful, but no one knows really knows what is going on inside another person. Please ask for help and talk about your feelings. Contact a professional if you do not want to share your feelings with someone you know.

You are powerless to change the narcissist, but with the knowledge you have the power to make healthier choices for yourself. The goal of this series is to help you understand the narcissist to help you avoid a relationship with a narcissist, navigate a relationship with a narcissist, and to heal after a relationship with a narcissist. In this blog, I will discuss the narcissist’s attempt to manipulatetheir victim by future faking and hoovering during various stages of the relationship. I will also discuss how a victim of a narcissistic relationship can use the method of gray rock to protect themselves.

My goal with this series is to educate people about narcissistic relationships so that they can avoid entering one, understand how to navigate one, and help a survivor of a narcissistic relationship comprehend what they experienced to assist in healing. Part 1 was about the covert narcissist, Part 2 was about the overt narcissist, and Part 3 was about the malignant narcissist. In this blog, I will discuss three terms that are often used when discussing a narcissist.

Narcissism is on a spectrum. Malignant narcissism is an extreme form of narcissism and can be difficult to distinguish between a malignant narcissist and a sociopath. In helping to make that distinction, though, Darlene Lancer, JD,LMFT (article in Psychology Today, January 6, 2018) wrote, “sociopaths are more cunning and manipulative than narcissists because their ego isn’t always at stake.” Sociopaths just don’t care. The narcissist cares what others think.

Today, I am going to discuss the overt narcissist (also called the grandiose narcissist and agentic narcissist,) who are much more visible and easier to detect than to covert narcissist. People often think of the overt narcissist when they think of a narcissist.

Healing your Inner Child is not easy work. It can be painful. It can take time. You may revisit memories and feelings that you have repressed. But it is also healing and can improve every aspect of your life immensely. I want to stress that trauma does not have to be a single event but a way of life as a child. One’s childhood may appear perfect on the outside, but behind the curtain, that child may be living in a dysfunctional family full of trauma. That dysfunction can be traumatic. Trauma does not discriminate, and no one is immune.

Well, that is far from the truth... at least for me. Words hurt! They can hurt from the moment you hear them and may continue to hurt you for the rest of your life. I know this is not coming from a healthy place, but there was a time when I would have rather been hit than be the recipient of someone’s cruel words or given the silent treatment... lack of words hurt too. Now I want none of it!

BE AWARE GRIEVING CAN MAKE YOU VULNERABLE

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: grief is “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.”

According to the New Oxford American dictionary: grief is “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.

Life with a narcissist is unbalanced and uncertain. They lie and when confronted they double down, deny, and/or turn it on you. They are erratic. They try to weaken and destabilize you. They are spin doctors. They use word salad. They purposely use language to influence their victim. They use little or no logic, circular discussions, condescending tone, over-generalizing, lying, and focusing on winning. They communicate in a way that will gaslight you. They will manipulate the topic by blame-shifting, projecting, stonewalling, changing the subject, putting you on the defensive, to escape accountability. They will confuse you, make you feel sorry for them, make you feel guilty, and pity them. Sometimes they do this to protect their persona, sometimes to feel in control and powerful, and sometimes just for fun as they watch you suffer.

During a crisis, we may not have the time to look up what we need to do, or we may be too anxious for accurate deductive reasoning. So, if we could learn certain basic information on the many possibilities that may occur, we may be able to act accordingly to what is needed with little thought. I am going to list a few. I hope you would never have to use any of them, but I think it is a good idea to have them in your head for easy access. I also recommend that you decide what are your personal what-ifs. For example, if you live on the beach, what would you do if there is anearby earthquake and a tsunami warning occurs? Well, I am blessed to live on the beach and a tsunami is one of my biggest fears. When I moved here, I looked where experts believe the water would go and I mapped out my exit route. It makes me feel better knowing I have a plan.