Let’s Talk Anxiety

 Written by Jessica Anne Pressler, LCSW

My heart races, I can barely breathe, I want air, I want to run. I jump in my car and drive up 9W until I see an overlook and pull in. The view is spectacular, and it brings me peace. Deep breaths Jessica...1...2...3....I call. He doesn’t answer. I am having trouble breathing. My heart races. I text...wait....and text...wait....and text....ding..... a moment of peace..” He wrote!” I think.. Calm.. well calmer.. I open his text. “Leave me alone.” he writes, I panic, I feel sick, I going to throw up... I get back in my car, put the air conditioner on high, blowing air on my wet neck and face before pulling myself together and drive further north, getting off in Nyack and park and walk. I call again... no answer. I text...and text.. and wait. “Does he hate me?” Ding... I hold my breath and read. “Leave me alone!!!!! I have work to do.” I panic...I just need to know if I will see him again, “Will you be home for dinner?” I write. No answer. I wait.. I look, I wait, I look.. 45 minutes no answer. Oh God.. he is going to leave me... Deep breaths Jessica...1..2...3... My heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest. I try shopping... retail therapy... It works, that is until I glance at my phone... still nothing... I put my bags in the trunk and get in my car...and start to cry and cry and cry. He has left me. I try him one more time... nothing... breathe Jessica, breathe...1...2....3.... I call a friend and they talk me off the ledge. Thank you, my friend, I will be forever grateful. I go pick up my children and carry on. He is home for dinner.

What I know now is that the panic I felt, the dread, the fear, my need to run, and then my need for reassurance is not only about the situation I was in that day but more about my relationship with my mother and childhood trauma that was triggered. This overwhelming anxiety, which was only triggered in my romantic relationships, was caused by my fear of abandonment. I would vacillate between flight, fawn, freeze, and very rarely fight when I was amidst my anxiety response. I lost my sense of logic. My body, my mind, and my thoughts went haywire. 

Fight, flight, fawn, or freeze are reactive responses people may have when they are feeling anxious and not safe. For the onlooker, they may have trouble understanding why the anxious person feels the way they do, but to the person with anxiety, it feels genuine. Even if they have clarity, it takes time for their body to catch up. Because many of the symptoms of anxiety are physical symptoms, it is not uncommon for a person to seek medical treatment for anxiety symptomology; some may show up in an emergency room thinking they are having a heart attack, for example. While they may not have a medical condition, they are having real symptoms, and this could be extremely frightening. The more frightened a person may get, the more anxious they may feel, which become a vicious cycle.

Anxiety is your brain’s way of reacting to stress and alerting you of potential danger, even when it is not a logical response. Most people will feel anxious at some point in their life, but for some their anxiety may be overwhelming, causing constant discomfort and affecting their daily life, preventing them from doing what they want to do. A person’s treatment plan will depend on the severity of their symptoms, their triggers, other causes of their anxiety, their coping mechanisms, and their goals. 

Here is a list of common behavioral, cognitive, and physical symptoms of anxiety; panic attacks, forgetfulness, difficulty finding the correct words, difficulty thinking, ruminating thoughts, irritability, excessive worry and tension, fear, digestive issues, impaired immune system, unexplained pain, weakness, fatigue, insomnia, restlessness, excessive sweating, cold, numb, dry mouth, tremors, twitches, dizziness, lightheaded, shortness of breath, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, nausea, frequent urination, diarrhea, racing thoughts, over-generalizing or making assumptions based on a single event, headache, unwanted thoughts, lack of concentration, decreased libido, palpitations, difficulty breathing, not being able to stay still, fearing objects, places, people, phobias and avoiding situations and events, seeking constant reassurance, compulsive actions, and hypervigilance. 

Why do people feel anxious? Genetics, brain chemistry, medical conditions, drug use, and environmental stressors such as childhood and adult trauma which can be triggered, causing anxiety. Certain risk factors that may increase a person’s chance of having an anxiety disorder; if the person was diagnosed with other mental health disorders such as depression, childhood abuse, childhood trauma, adult trauma, medical illnesses, substance abuse, and low self-esteem.

These are some of the treatments available to reduce the symptoms of anxiety: Psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT,) which teaches people to change their negative thoughts and behaviors that cause anxiety into positive ones and manage situations without anxiety, applied relaxation therapy, which helps people to learn to relax their muscles in places or situations that make them anxious, psychotropic medication, lifestyle modifications like exercise, yoga, walks, hiking, spotting and balancing anxious thoughts, relaxation techniques like breathing exercises, meditation, self-care, positive affirmations, avoiding drugs and alcohol, reducing caffeine intake, healthy diet, workbooks, and mindfulness. When helping a person with anxiety, allow them to guide you. Not all treatments are the right ones for each person and pushing a treatment plan on someone may cause additional anxiety. On the other hand, suggesting a treatment plan that is comfortable for a person may decrease their anxiety because they feel there is hope for change. 

What can you do if someone you know is suffering with anxiety?

*To help someone with anxiety, it is best to be calm, present, compassionate, nonjudgmental, supportive, accepting, and empathetic. Validate what they are experiencing. Even if you do not understand why a person feels anxious in any given situation, they are. Their feelings are real. *Normalize the thoughts that you can relate to or show compassion regarding these thoughts. “I can understand.....” 

*Please do not demean their experience. Instead, empathize with what they are experiencing and show compassion. Let them know you are there for them, even if that means just being present. It is essential to listen and try to get an understanding of what their individual needs are. If they can verbalize what helps, listen, and provide this if appropriate, but if they cannot, do not push, as that will create additional anxiety. 

*Let them know that they do not have to cope with their anxiety alone and you will help them figure out the best way to help them. This may mean helping them get an appointment with a therapist or finding a workbook or online support group. 

*If they are comfortable with your touch, touch can help reduce anxiety. A gentle touch on their hand for example. Ask first. 

*Each person is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. 

*Let them know that they are not alone and they are not crazy.

*Keep in mind that when a person is anxious, they may feel embarrassed, weak, overwhelmed, shameful, and out of control, which can be terrifying for them. This can also be scary for you, so please be mindful of how you feel, as they will pick up on your emotional state, which may cause more anxiety for them. You may be their anchor, and this may feel like a lot of pressure for you. You may feel helpless when you watch them suffer, unable to find a quick solution. Sometimes there are no immediate solutions. 

*Know there are resources while you are coping with an anxious loved one; many of the same treatments discussed earlier in this article may be helpful for you, as well as online and in person support groups. 

*If you need help or know someone that does, please suggest they seek consultation by an appropriate healthcare provider such as a mental health professional. If the anxious person has physical symptoms, then I advise them to be seen should be seen by a medical doctor to rule out physical illness. 

Organizations:

*Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) 240-485-1001

*National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) 866-615-6464

*Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Mental Health (CDC) 800-232-4636

*National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 800-950-6264

Call 911 if emergency. 

Call or text 988 which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. 

DISCLAIMER:

The contents of this website; blog, video, articles, media, book, and references, are ONLY for informational and entertainment purposes. It is NOT intended as a psychological service, diagnostic tool, medical treatment, personal advice, counseling, or determination of risk and should not be used as a substitute for treatment by psychological or medical services.  

Please seek consultation by an appropriate healthcare provider. 

Call 911 if there is an emergency. 

Call or text 988, which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,

Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. 

Looking at, reading, listening to any information on my website, or book, and communicating with me by email or any other communication with me, you acknowledge and agree that we do not have a professional/client relationship. Use of this site and information associated with this site is solely at the visitor’s own risk.