How Zumba Saved My Life and the Importance of Friendship
Dancing has always been my happy place. I fantasized for years that I would be a Solid Gold Dancer. When I was four years old, my parents put me in ballet class to help straighten my pigeon toes; after wearing corrective braces had only gained mild improvement. Years of ballet, tap, jazz, modern dance, and dancing into the night at New York City dance clubs not only straightened my feet; but my head as well. Nothing except pure pleasure existed when I danced. The outside world was a blur. The moment I entered a club, I became mesmerized by the beat of the music, often choreographing dances in my head before stepping on the dance floor. Once on the floor, I often closed my eyes, concentrating on the vibration of the music flowing through my body. When my eyes were open, I would study the moves of amazing dancers and mimic them. My body listened. My soul was at peace.
Throughout my life, I continued to dance at clubs, and took Dancercise, Step, Jazzercise, other dance classes, and spinclasses where you danced on a bike. I didn’t discover Zumba until my late 30s when it came to the United States, but when I did, I fell in love. No matter what was going on in my life; painful romantic relationships, painful family dynamics, and my parents’ deaths, to name a few, I walked into that room and was in heaven. I found an escape. I found a community. I found incredible friends. I found emotional support. Our friendship extended way beyond the confines of a dance floor, getting together socially, and helping each other, even while having fun.
Discover where your happy place is. A place where you can find peace and a reprieve from the stressors, pain, and crazy in your life. Here are several suggestions: walking in nature, watching the sunrise or sunset, hiking, meditating, reading, dancing, watching movies, watching comedians, gardening, cooking, painting, going out with friends, or joining a Meetup group (Meetup.com) to name a few.
If you need support, it is essential to have someone you can trust to talk to, either professionally (individual therapy, group therapy, and online therapy groups) or with friends. Ideally, they should be nonjudgmental, provide a safe place for you to speak, be mindful, listen, supportive and honest. I have been blessed with the most incredible friends throughout my life. I was joyful just being with them. If I needed them, they were present, compassionate, and listened without judgment, although I tried not to ask.
Throughout my life, I tried to cope by myself. It was when I had moments of panic that I could not handle my anxiety on my own that I reached out to a friend. When I was not in crisis, I kept much to myself. There were many reasons for this. It was my family’s culture. (My parents spent much time and energy hiding their family secrets.) I felt shame. I was told not to tell anyone. I was exhausted, and it took effort to reach out. I was embarrassed. I was protective of the other person and our relationship. My Traitor Within. I was not ready to leave. I repressed the bad. I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was too sensitive. I thought it was my fault. It was hard to ask for help and I did not want to burden anyone.
When I did speak, I told only fragments of what was happening in my life, usually only what was occurring at the very moment I reached out. Those moments of desperation felt like I was falling off a cliff and needed a net to catch me. Several times, I was in so much pain that I thought suicide was my only way out. I could not leave, and the pain of staying was unbearable. Nothing made sense to me, so how was I to explain to others or expect them to understand. Eventually, though, I started to share more, and their support saved me. Dancing saved me. Realizing I may be free of pain saved me. I needed to separate myself from my toxic relationship to let go. I needed to get me back. The more I spoke about what was happening, and the more I did things to make me happy outside of my relationship, the easier it became to let go and heal. I will be forever grateful for my friends and my happy places.
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