by Jessica Anne Pressler LCSW

Ending a relationship can be a complex and emotional journey, filled with moments of clarity and progress, as well as setbacks and doubts. You may find yourself in a situation where you feel relieved and confident that the decision to end the relationship is the right one, knowing deep down that you've taken the necessary steps to move forward and discover a new sense of purpose. However, the path to healing is rarely linear, and it's not uncommon to find yourself drawn back into the cycle of the relationship, whether by the other person's attempts to reel you back in with promises and nostalgia, or by your own inner struggles, need to make the pain stop immediately and rumination.

As someone who has been through this experience multiple times, I can assure you that the momentary feeling of being pulled back, like an addictive drug, is often followed by the harsh realization that the person will inevitably revert to their true nature, leaving you right back where you started – in the very place that compelled you to walk away in the first place. It's crucial to have reminders and support systems in place to help you stay the course when those triggers arise, whether it's the temptation to give them another chance or the urge to allow your own "Traitor Within" to guide you back into the toxic cycle.

Lean on your friends, keep a meaningful token or bracelet with you, or create a list of reasons why you left – anything that will serve as a tangible reminder of your strength and the validity of your decision when those moments of weakness threaten to overtake you. Remember, the person you left behind is still the same individual, and the reasons that led you to end the relationship will continue to persist, no matter how convincing the promises of change may seem.

It's important to acknowledge the pain and the difficulty of this process, and to extend compassion and understanding to yourself. Breaking free from a toxic or unhealthy relationship is an act of courage and self-love, and it's natural to experience a wide range of emotions along the way. Be gentle with yourself, seek support from trusted loved ones or professionals, and know that healing is possible, even in the face of setbacks and challenges.

Though the journey may be arduous, and the temptation to return to the familiar may be strong, trust in your own resilience and the knowledge that you deserve a love that uplifts, supports, and nourishes your soul. Stay committed to your own growth and well-being and know that each day brings you closer to the peace and happiness you so deeply deserve.

Now let me take you back to when you made the decision to leave in the first place...It is important to have knowledge that toxic relationships can leave deep wounds and create a cycle of emotional pain that feels inescapable. Whether it's a romantic partner, family member, or friend, the effects of a toxic relationship can ripple through every aspect of your life, eroding your self-esteem, happiness, and overall well-being. However, it is possible to break free from the bonds of toxicity and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. It may take some time... but it can happen for sure.

Recognize the Signs

The first step in breaking the bond of a toxic relationship is acknowledging that it exists. Toxic relationships often involve patterns of behavior that are emotionally harmful, such as manipulation, gaslighting, criticism, or control. You may feel constantly on edge, unable to be your true self, or as though you're walking on eggshells around the other person. Trust your instincts; if a relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or unhappy, it's likely toxic.

Set Boundaries

Once you've recognized the toxicity, it's crucial to establish and enforce healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Clearly communicate your boundaries to the other person and be prepared to follow through with consequences if they are not respected. This may involve limiting contact, setting time constraints on interactions, or even ending the relationship altogether. Remember, you have the right to prioritize your own well-being.

Practice Self-Care

Breaking free from a toxic relationship can be emotionally exhausting, so it's essential to prioritize self-care during this time. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as hobbies, exercise, or spending time with supportive friends and family. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and remember that healing is a process that takes time. Consider seeking the support of a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and tools for coping with the emotional aftermath of a toxic relationship.

Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Toxic relationships can erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you feeling inadequate or unlovable. To heal, it's important to actively work on rebuilding your self-esteem. This may involve challenging negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, and surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people. Engage in activities that make you feel competent and capable and celebrate your strengths and accomplishments. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of what a toxic person may have led you to believe.

Forgive Yourself

One of the most challenging aspects of healing from a toxic relationship is forgiving yourself. You may feel guilty for allowing the toxicity to continue, or ashamed of the choices you made while in the relationship. However, it's essential to remember that the blame lies with the toxic person, not with you. Practice self-forgiveness and recognize that you did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time. Forgiving yourself is a crucial step in letting go of the past and moving forward.

Embrace Your Independence

Breaking free from a toxic relationship can be a daunting prospect, especially if you've been reliant on the other person for emotional or financial support. However, embracing your independence is a key part of the healing process. Rediscover your passions and interests and focus on building a life that aligns with your values and goals. Cultivate a strong support system of friends and family who uplift and encourage you and remember that you have the strength and resilience to create a fulfilling life on your own terms.

What if you trying to break free from the chains of a trauma bond?

Trauma bonding is a complex and insidious phenomenon that often occurs in relationships with narcissistic individuals. It is a deep emotional attachment that develops as a result of the toxic cycle of abuse, devaluation, and intermittent reinforcement. For those who have experienced the pain and confusion of a trauma bond, breaking free can feel like an impossible task, as the emotional ties are so tightly woven into the fabric of their being.

However, it is essential to remember that breaking free from a trauma bond is not only possible but also necessary for healing and reclaiming one's sense of self. The first step in this process is acknowledging the reality of the abuse and recognizing that the narcissistic partner's behavior is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person.

This realization can be a painful and jarring experience, as it often involves confronting the depths of the emotional manipulation and psychological abuse that have been endured. It is common to feel a profound sense of grief and loss during this time, as the illusion of the relationship and the hope for change are stripped away.

Grieving the loss as you heal

Grieving the loss of a narcissistic relationship is a crucial part of the healing process. It is important to allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that may arise, such as sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is a time to be gentle with yourself and to practice self-compassion, recognizing that healing is a journey that requires time, patience, and support.

One of the most challenging aspects of grieving a narcissistic relationship is the sense of betrayal and the shattering of trust that often accompanies the realization of abuse. It is common to question one's own judgment and to feel a deep sense of shame or self-blame. However, it is crucial to remember that the abuse was not your fault and that you are not responsible for the narcissist's actions.

As you navigate the grieving process, it is essential to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and professionals who can provide validation, empathy, and guidance. Seeking the help of a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery can be particularly beneficial, as they can help you process the complex emotions and trauma associated with the relationship.

In addition to seeking support, engaging in self-care practices and activities that promote healing and self-discovery is crucial. This may involve journaling, meditation, art therapy, or engaging in hobbies that bring joy and a sense of accomplishment. It is also important to set healthy boundaries and to practice assertiveness, learning to prioritize your own needs and well-being.

As you begin to untangle yourself from the trauma bond and work through the grieving process, it is normal to experience setbacks and moments of doubt. Healing is rarely a linear journey, and it is common to feel a pull towards the familiarity of the narcissistic relationship, even as you intellectually recognize its toxicity.

However, with time, self-compassion, and a commitment to your own healing, it is possible to break free from the chains of the trauma bond and to emerge stronger, wiser, and more self-aware. As you reclaim your sense of self and begin to build a life that aligns with your values and dreams, you will find that the pain of the past slowly transforms into a source of resilience and strength.

In conclusion: Healing from a toxic relationship is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion to break free from the bonds of toxicity and rediscover your sense of self. With the right support and tools, it is possible to emerge from a toxic relationship stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before. You are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for healing and happiness on the other side of a toxic relationship. By honoring your own story, seeking support, and embracing the power of self-love, you can create a life of joy, peace, and authenticity.

Support Resources:

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline

   Phone: 1-800-799-7233

   Website: https://www.thehotline.org/

2. Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)

   Phone: 1-888-444-2359

   Website: https://coda.org/

3. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline

   Phone: 1-800-950-6264

   Website: https://www.nami.org/help

4. Psychology Today - Find a Therapist

   Website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

5. Online Therapy (BetterHelp)

   Website: https://www.betterhelp.com/

6. American Psychological Association - Psychologist Locator

   Website: https://locator.apa.org/

Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please reach out for help. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and compassion.

DISCLAIMER:

The contents of this website; blog, video, articles, media, social media, book, and references, are ONLY for informational and entertainment purposes. It is NOT intended as a psychological service, diagnostic tool, medical treatment, personal advice, counseling, or determination of risk and should not be used as a substitute for treatment by psychological or medical services.  

Please seek consultation by an appropriate healthcare provider. 

Call 911 if there is an emergency. 

Call or text 988, which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,

Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. 

Looking at, reading, listening to any information on my website, social media, YouTube, or book, and communicating with me by email or any other communication with me, you acknowledge and agree that we do not have a professional/client relationship. Use of this site and information associated with this site is solely at the visitor’s own risk.

References:

Brenner, J. (2017). The 5 stages of leaving a narcissistic relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201708/the-5-stages-leaving-narcissistic-relationship

Carnes, P. (2019). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships. Health Communications, Inc.

Khoshaba, D. (2018). 5 ways to recover from a toxic relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201812/5-ways-recover-toxic-relationship

Raypole, C. (2021). How to cope with the end of a toxic relationship. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-toxic-relationship

Schneider, A. (2018). 10 steps to recovering from a narcissistic relationship. Good Therapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/10-steps-to-recovering-from-toxic-trauma-bond-0110175

Staggs, S. (2021). Why it's so hard to let go of a narcissist. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/why-its-so-hard-to-let-go-of-a-narcissist

Tawwab, N. D. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. TarcherPerigee.

References:

Brenner, J. (2019). 11 warning signs of gaslighting. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201910/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

Khoshaba, D. (2018). 5 ways to recover from a toxic relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201812/5-ways-recover-toxic-relationship

Raypole, C. (2021). How to cope with the end of a toxic relationship. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-toxic-relationship

Tawwab, N. D. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. TarcherPerigee.