Are you trapped in a relationship that leaves you constantly feeling like you're walking on eggshells, always second-guessing your own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions? Do you find yourself questioning your reality because what you experience doesn't align with what your partner is telling you? If you catch your partner in lies, do they deny it, leaving you doubting your own instincts and judgment? Does nothing seem to make sense anymore?

Perhaps you find yourself longing for the happy times that now feel like a distant memory, an almost impossible dream to recapture. Yet, every once in a while, your partner throws you a bone, a glimmer of hope that keeps you hanging on, thinking that there's still a chance for things to get better.

If any of this sounds familiar, you may be in a relationship with someone who exhibits high narcissistic traits. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies have an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and validation, and a profound lack of empathy for others. They often engage in manipulative mind games designed to maintain control and boost their own ego, with little regard for the emotional harm they inflict on their partners.

For narcissists, these mind games serve as tools to keep their partners off-balance, questioning their own sanity, and ultimately, more dependent on the narcissist for a sense of stability. By eroding their partner's self-esteem and confidence in their own perceptions, narcissists are able to maintain the upper hand in the relationship, always keeping their partner guessing and striving for their approval.

It's important to recognize that these manipulative behaviors are not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Narcissists often target empathetic, caring individuals who are more likely to excuse their bad behavior and keep trying to make the relationship work. However, it's crucial to understand that you cannot change a narcissist or make them see the error of their ways. The only way to break free from the cycle of manipulation and emotional abuse is to prioritize your own well-being and set firm boundaries. In this blog, I will delve into the various mind games played by narcissists, provide examples of each, and explore strategies for coping with these destructive behaviors. 

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the narcissist seeks to sow seeds of doubt in the victim's mind, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. The narcissist may deny events that have occurred, accuse the victim of being too sensitive, or twist the truth to maintain control (Sarkis, 2018).

Example: A narcissistic partner consistently downplays or denies their hurtful actions, telling the victim, "You're overreacting. I never said that. You're imagining things."

Coping Strategy: Keep a journal of events and conversations to maintain a clear record of reality. Seek validation from trusted friends, family, or a therapist who are supportive, non-judgmental, validating, compassionate and understand a narcissist to reinforce your perceptions.

2. Love Bombing and Devaluation

Love bombing involves showering the victim with excessive affection and attention early in the relationship to create a sense of intense connection and dependency. However, once the narcissist feels secure in the relationship, they may abruptly switch to devaluation, criticizing and belittling the victim to erode their self-esteem (Lancer, 2017).

Example: A narcissistic partner showers their new love interest with grand gestures and constant praise, only to later criticize their appearance, intelligence, and worth.

Coping Strategy: Recognize that the narcissist's actions are not a reflection of your true value. Set boundaries and maintain a strong sense of self, even in the face of the narcissist's fluctuating behaviors. Do things that are separate from the narcissist, including friendships, will lessen their ability to harm your self-esteem.  

3. Triangulation

Triangulation occurs when the narcissist brings a third party into the relationship to create jealousy, insecurity, and competition for their attention. This can involve flirting with others, comparing the victim to someone else, or sharing private information to provoke a reaction (Greenberg, 2016).

Example: A narcissistic friend constantly mentions how much fun they have with other friends, implying that the victim is not as interesting or enjoyable to be around.

Coping Strategy: Recognize that triangulation is a manipulation tactic designed to make you feel insecure. Focus on your own self-worth and value and refuse to engage in the narcissist's games.

4. Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism in which the narcissist attributes their own negative qualities, insecurities, or wrongdoings onto the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their actions (Ni, 2016).

Example: A narcissistic partner who is secretly engaging in infidelity accuses their partner of cheating, shifting the focus and blame onto the victim.

Coping Strategy: Recognize that the narcissist's accusations are often a reflection of their own behavior. Trust your own instincts and maintain a clear sense of reality, even in the face of the narcissist's projections.

5. Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of punishment in which the narcissist withdraws affection, communication, or presence to express displeasure or manipulate the victim into compliance (Streep, 2016).

Example: A narcissistic parent ignores their child for days after the child expresses a differing opinion or asserts their independence.

Coping Strategy: Understand that the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse designed to control you. Focus on self-care and seek support from others, rather than allowing the narcissist's silence to dictate your emotional state.

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Dealing with narcissistic mind games requires a combination of self-awareness, boundary setting, and emotional detachment. By recognizing these manipulative tactics, trusting your own perceptions, and prioritizing your well-being, you can begin to break free from the narcissist's control and reclaim your autonomy. Remember, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who understand the narcissist can be crucial in navigating the complexities of a relationship with a narcissist. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and authenticity – never settle for less. 

References:

1. Greenberg, E. (2016). The Narcissist's Triangulating Tactics. Psychology Today.

2. Lancer, D. (2017). How Narcissists Use Money to Abuse. Psychology Today.

3. Ni, P. (2016). 8 Common Narcissist Mind Games. Psychology Today.

4. Sarkis, S. (2018). 11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting. Psychology Today.

5. Streep, P. (2016). The Narcissist's Silent Treatment: A Powerful Abuse Tactic. Psychology Today.

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