Understanding and PREVENTING Suicide…
Understanding and Preventing Suicide: A Personal Journey and Comprehensive Guide
By Jessica Anne Pressler LCSW
I think most people believe that individuals with suicidal ideation are always depressed. My experience challenges this assumption. I've had suicidal thoughts four times in my life – once at 17 and three times in my 40s. During these periods, I wasn't depressed. In fact, I loved most aspects of my life and had a strong desire to live. However, my intense anxiety and overwhelming fear of abandonment created such unbearable pain that I felt trapped with no way out.
At 17, the thought of potentially losing my first love at the same time not wanting to be stuck in an abusive relationship triggered such intense fear of abandonment that I couldn't see beyond the pain. In my 40s, feeling stuck in a relationship where I felt abandoned almost daily amplified my anxiety to unbearable levels. Each time, despite having a fulfilling career, loving family, and supportive friends, the pain of potential abandonment overshadowed everything else.
In those moments, I genuinely believed everyone would be better off without me, and I felt I had no choice but to escape the pain. The fear of abandonment was so all-consuming that it distorted my perception of reality. I couldn't see the love and support around me; all I could focus on was the pain it brought.
I didn’t announce it, I didn’t scream from the rooftop what I was feeling. At 17, I walked into my bathroom and found a bottle of Midol, wrote a suicide note and put the pills in my mouth. Thankfully, I spit them out before swallowing most of themfinding hope in the future. I didn’t tell anyone that this happened until much later in life.
The second time, at 40 something, I didn’t announce what I was doing. I didn’t know what I was about to do. A numbing wave passed over me, as if I was relinquishing all control of myself. I felt as if I was under a hypnotist’s spell, I slowly climbed the stairs; my legs sluggish as if they were stuck in quicksand. Without thought, I entered the bathroom and turned on the hot bathwater, closing the door behind me. Unable to stop myself, I opened the cabinet, took out all the medicine I could find, and methodically placed the pills into one container, leaving it open by the edge of the tub. I filled a paper cup with water and placedit next to the bottle. I slowly undressed, and neatly folded my clothes and placed them on the counter next to the sink and set my shoes on the floor in the corner.
I stared blankly at the beige tile, as I lowered myself into the scalding hot bath, not detecting the immediate red burn on my body. I slid down until the hot water almost covered my nose and mouth. Abandoned by my husband, again, my heart ached, and I didn’t have the strength to hold myself up anymore. Pain radiated throughout my body. Make it stop. I can’t live like this anymore. My consciousness felt separate from my body, it’s as if I’m observing someone else. I sat up and reached for the lethal combination of pills. “Your children!” The silent scream to stop is unheeded. “Your children!” Just as I was about to dump the pills into my mouth, I broke out of my trance. Oh my God, my children. I was lucky I had some thought that knocked me out of my trance, but that’s not always true for everybody.
There were two more moments in my 40s that I got the pills and a bottle of alcohol and wrote notes, but didn’t take it further. Each time I had suicide ideation I loved most of my life. Each time I felt stuck in situations that made me feel constant anxiety, and fear of abandonment. Each time I was consumed with pain seeing no way to relieve that pain. I didn’t have the skills to deal with what I was feeling and at a moment saw suicide as the only choice I had. For me, this was my response to a trigger. For me it was a moment that passed, but for others that isn’t always true.
Understanding Suicide: Suicide is a complex issue that affects individuals from all walks of life. While depression is often associated with suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to understand that various factors can contribute to suicidal ideation. These can include:
1. Mental health conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, PTSD)
2. Substance abuse
3. Chronic pain or illness
4. Major life changes or losses
5. Trauma or abuse
6. Social isolation
7. Financial stress
8. Genetics and family history
It's important to recognize that suicidal thoughts can occur even in the absence of a diagnosed mental health condition. Sometimes, as in my case, overwhelming emotional pain or fear can lead to suicidal ideation.
Signs of Suicidal Ideation: While not everyone exhibits obvious signs, there are some common indicators that someone may be considering suicide:
1. Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself: This can range from explicit statements to more subtle comments about feeling hopeless or trapped.
2. Expressing feelings of hopelessness or having no reason to live: Look for statements that indicate a lack of future orientation or purpose.
3. Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain: This could be physical or emotional pain that the person feels is insurmountable.
4. Increased alcohol or drug use: Substance abuse can be both a risk factor for and a sign of suicidal thoughts.
5. Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities: A sudden disinterest in previously enjoyed activities or relationships can be a red flag.
6. Extreme mood swings: Rapid changes in mood, especially if they involve periods of euphoria followed by deep despair, can be concerning.
7. Giving away prized possessions: This can be a sign that someone is "putting their affairs in order" in preparation for suicide.
8. Making preparations for death: This might include writing a will, saying goodbyes, or researching suicide methods.
9. Reckless behavior: Engaging in dangerous activities without concern for safety can sometimes be a form of indirect suicidal behavior.
10. Changes in sleep patterns: Either sleeping too much or too little can be a sign of distress.
11. Expressing feelings of being a burden to others: This belief often accompanies suicidal thoughts.
It's important to note that not all individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts will exhibit these signs. Some may mask their pain or struggle internally without outward indications. This is why open communication and regular check-ins with loved ones are crucial.
Prevention Strategies: Preventing suicide requires a multi-faceted approach that addresses individual, relationship, community, and societal factors. Here are some key strategies:
1. Open communication: Encourage honest discussions about mental health and emotions. Create a safe space where people feel comfortable sharing their struggles without fear of judgment.
2. Promote help-seeking behavior: Normalize seeking professional help for mental health concerns. Educate people about available resources and how to access them.
3. Reduce access to lethal means: Safely store firearms, medications, and other potential means of self-harm. This can create a critical buffer between suicidal thoughts and action.
4. Foster social connections: Build and maintain strong support networks. Encourage participation in community activities, support groups, or social clubs.
5. Implement suicide prevention programs in schools and workplaces: These programs can raise awareness, teach coping skills, and create a culture of support.
6. Address underlying mental health conditions and life stressors: Ensure access to quality mental health care and support services for those dealing with mental health issues or significant life challenges.
7. Promote resilience and problem-solving skills: Teach coping strategies and stress management techniques, particularly to young people.
8. Raise awareness and reduce stigma: Educate the public about suicide, its risk factors, and how to help. Challenge myths and misconceptions about suicide.
9. Support survivors of suicide attempts: Provide comprehensive follow-up care and support to reduce the risk of future attempts.
10. Implement crisis intervention services: Ensure the availability of 24/7 crisis hotlines, mobile crisis teams, and crisis intervention training for first responders.
How to Help Someone with Suicidal Ideation: If you suspect someone is considering suicide, here are steps you can take:
1. Take all talk of suicide seriously: Never dismiss or minimize someone's expressed desire to die.
2. Listen without judgment: Provide a safe space for the person to express their feelings and thoughts.
3. Ask directly if they are considering suicide: Contrary to popular belief, asking about suicide does not increase the risk. It shows you care and opens the door for honest conversation.
4. Offer support and reassurance: Let them know you care and that they are not alone.
5. Help them connect with professional resources: Offer to help them find a therapist, call a crisis hotline, or take them to an emergency room if necessary.
6. Remove access to potential means of self-harm: If possible, remove or secure items that could be used for suicide.
7. Create a safety plan together: This should include coping strategies, emergency contacts, and steps to take during a crisis.
8. Follow up regularly: Check in with the person often, especially after a crisis has passed.
9. Encourage treatment adherence: If the person is in treatment, support them in following their treatment plan.
10. Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts can be emotionally taxing. Ensure you're also getting support and practicing self-care.
Supporting Those Grieving a Suicide Loss: Losing someone to suicide can be particularly challenging. Here's how you can support someone grieving this type of loss:
1. Offer unconditional support and a listening ear: Be there to listen without trying to "fix" their grief.
2. Avoid judgment or placing blame: Suicide is complex and blame only adds to the pain.
3. Help with practical tasks: Offer to help with everyday tasks that might be overwhelming during grief.
4. Be patient: Grief after suicide can be complex and long-lasting. There's no timeline for healing.
5. Encourage professional support or support groups: Specialized support can be particularly helpful for suicide loss survivors.
6. Remember important dates and check in regularly: Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can be especially difficult.
7. Allow the grieving person to talk about their loved one: Don't avoid mentioning the person who died. Many find comfort in sharing memories.
8. Educate yourself about suicide grief: Understanding the unique aspects of suicide bereavement can help you provide better support.
9. Use sensitive language: Avoid phrases like "committed suicide" (which implies a crime). Instead, use "died by suicide" or "took their own life."
10. Offer hope: While respecting their grief, gently remind them that healing is possible over time.
Resources:
1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 1-800-273-8255
Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Available 24/7, this lifeline provides free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources, and best practices for professionals.
2. Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741
Website: https://www.crisistextline.org/
Offers free, 24/7 support via text message for those in crisis.
3. The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth)
Phone: 1-866-488-7386
Website: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ young people under 25.
4. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Website: https://afsp.org/
Offers educational programs, supports research, advocates for public policy, and supports those affected by suicide.
5. Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)
Website: https://save.org/
Works to prevent suicide through public awareness and education, reducing stigma, and serving as a resource for those touched by suicide.
6. International Association for Suicide Prevention
Website: https://www.iasp.info/
Dedicated to preventing suicidal behavior, alleviating its effects, and providing a forum for academics, mental health professionals, crisis workers, volunteers, and suicide survivors.
7. Alliance of Hope (for suicide loss survivors)
Website: https://allianceofhope.org/
Provides healing support for people who have lost loved ones to suicide.
8. Now Matters Now
Website: https://www.nowmattersnow.org/
Offers research-based coping skills for managing suicidal thoughts.
9. Suicide Prevention Resource Center
Website: https://www.sprc.org/
Provides training, resources, and information to help implement suicide prevention programs.
10. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Website: https://www.nami.org/
Offers education, support, and advocacy for individuals and families affected by mental illness, including those dealing with suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a complex issue that doesn't always present in expected ways. My personal experience highlights the importance of recognizing that suicidal thoughts can occur even when someone appears to be living a fulfilling life. The pain that drives someone to consider suicide is often invisible to others and can stem from a variety of sources, not just depression.
By increasing awareness, fostering open communication, and providing support, we can work towards preventing suicide and supporting those affected by it. It's crucial to create a society where mental health is prioritized, help-seeking is encouraged, and support is readily available.
Remember, suicidal thoughts are not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. They are a sign that someone is experiencing more pain than they feel they can cope with at that moment. With proper support and treatment, many people can move past suicidal thoughts and go on to live fulfilling lives.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to one of the resources listed above or seek professional help immediately. You are not alone, and your life matters. There is hope, and with support, healing is possible.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this website; blog, video, articles, media, social media, book, and references, are ONLY for informational and entertainment purposes. It is NOT intended as a psychological service, diagnostic tool, medical treatment, personal advice, counseling, or determination of risk and should not be used as a substitute for treatment by psychological or medical services.
Please seek consultation by an appropriate healthcare provider.
Call 911 if there is an emergency.
Call or text 988, which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,
Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed.
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