Navigating GRIEF During The Holidays…

If you're reading this while carrying the weight of grief during the holiday season, please know that your heart matters, your feelings matter, and you matter. The holiday season, with its emphasis on joy and togetherness, can make our losses feel impossibly heavy. Whether you're missing someone who has passed away, healing from a broken relationship, longing for a friend who's no longer in your life, or carrying any other form of loss, your grief is valid and deserving of gentle care.

Losing someone you love creates an absence that can feel overwhelming during the holidays. That empty chair at the dinner table speaks volumes. The sight of their favorite holiday decorations, the sound of carols they used to sing, or the scent of their traditional recipes can bring waves of emotion that take your breath away. Please know that it's perfectly normal to feel a storm of emotions – the profound sadness that comes in waves, the guilt that might arise when you find yourself smiling, the anxiety about facing celebrations without them, and even anger at the unfairness of it all. Your body might also be telling you how much you're hurting. If you're experiencing exhaustion that sleep doesn't seem to fix, changes in your appetite, difficulty getting rest, or physical discomfort, these are all natural responses to grief. Your body and heart are working hard to process this loss, and they deserve your patience and understanding.

For those whose hearts are healing from divorce or the end of a significant relationship, the holidays can feel like navigating an emotional maze. Where there were once shared traditions and future plans, there may now be uncertainty and pain. The sight of happy couples, the challenge of divided friend groups, and the practical stresses of managing holidays alone can all feel overwhelming. Your grief is valid, and your need to create new traditions and meanings is perfectly natural.

The loss of a cherished friendship carries its own deep ache that others might not fully understand. Missing the friend who always made holiday gatherings brighter, who knew exactly how to make you laugh, who shared those special traditions with you – this loss is real and significant. Your heart might feel the absence of that unique understanding that close friends share, and it's okay to honor that pain.

In these difficult moments, self-care isn't selfish – it's essential. Think of it as wrapping your heart in a warm, comforting blanket. Listen to what your body and spirit need. Sometimes that might mean taking a quiet moment alone when holiday celebrations feel too overwhelming. Other times, it might mean allowing yourself to lean into moments of unexpected joy without guilt. Your physical wellbeing needs tender care during this time. Try to nourish your body with comforting, healthy foods when you can. Rest when you need to – grief is exhausting work. Gentle movement, like a short walk or simple stretches, can help release some of the physical tension grief creates. Even something as simple as taking deep, calming breaths can offer moments of peace.

Creating new traditions while honoring your loss can be a healing practice. For those missing someone who has died, this might mean lighting a special candle in their memory, sharing stories about them, or continuing a tradition they loved while adapting it to your current needs. If you're healing from a relationship's end, it might mean discovering new ways to celebrate that reflect your journey of healing and independence.

You don't have to carry this grief alone. While it might feel like no one truly understands your pain, there are compassionate people and resources ready to support you. Professional counselors who specialize in grief can offer a safe space to express all your feelings without judgment. Support groups, both in-person and online, can connect you with others who truly understand what you're experiencing.Your grief is a reflection of your love, and there is no timeline for healing. The holidays may always feel different after loss, and that's okay. You're not doing anything wrong if you need to celebrate differently, take breaks, or create new traditions that honor both your loss and your continuing journey. If you find yourself struggling, please remember that asking for help is an act of self-love and courage. Whether you need professional support, a listening ear, or simply someone to sit with you in quiet understanding, reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Remember, you are not alone, and you don’t have to cope alone. There are people, resources, and communities ready to support you through these difficult times. Your feelings are valid, your path is your own, and there is hope and healing ahead, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Many organizations offer financial assistance, sliding scale fees, or free services – please don't hesitate to ask about options that might work for your situation. You deserve support, regardless of your financial circumstances. Take gentle care of yourself.

                                       Understanding Different Types of Grief

Grieving the Death of a Loved One: The death of a loved one transforms the holiday season into a profound reminder of absence. Each tradition, decoration, or gathering can trigger memories and heighten the awareness of loss. You might experience:

- Overwhelming sadness when encountering holiday memories or traditions

 - Finding their favorite ornament while decorating

 - Hearing their favorite holiday song

 - Cooking their special recipes

 - Seeing their empty chair at family gatherings

- Complex emotions about continuing traditions

 - Guilt about feeling moments of joy or laughter

 - Uncertainty about whether to maintain old traditions

 - Anxiety about creating new ones

 - Fear of forgetting or dishonoring their memory

- Physical manifestations of grief

 - Fatigue and exhaustion

 - Changes in appetite

 - Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping

 - Headaches or body aches

 - Weakened immune system

 - Chest tightness or difficulty breathing

Detailed Coping Strategies:

1. Creating Memorial Traditions

  - Dedicate a special ornament or decoration to their memory

  - Light a candle daily during the season

  - Create a memory book or box with holiday photos and mementos

  - Cook their favorite dishes and share stories while eating

  - Start a charitable tradition in their honor

2. Managing Social Situations

  - Plan ahead for difficult moments or triggers

  - Arrange a signal with trusted friends when you need support

  - Practice phrases for declining invitations or leaving early

  - Identify safe spaces where you can take breaks

  - Choose events selectively based on your energy levels

3. Honoring Their Memory

  - Write them letters or cards

  - Visit meaningful places

  - Continue their holiday traditions while adding your own touch

  - Share their stories with others, especially younger family members

  - Create a memorial corner or altar during the season

Processing Divorce or Breakup Grief: The end of a relationship during the holidays brings unique challenges, especially when long-standing traditions and shared connections are involved. Common experiences include:

- Emotional Challenges

 - Intense loneliness during couple-oriented events

 - Jealousy seeing other happy couples

 - Anxiety about running into your ex

 - Fear of judgment from others

 - Shame or embarrassment about the situation

 - Relief mixed with guilt

- Practical Difficulties

 - Navigating shared custody during holidays

 - Managing divided friend groups

 - Handling family relationships that changed

 - Financial strain from single income

 - Re-learning how to socialize as a single person

 - Creating new holiday traditions

Detailed Coping Strategies:

1. Emotional Processing

  - Acknowledge all feelings without judgment

  - Practice self-compassion exercises

  - Write unsent letters expressing your feelings

  - Create a gratitude journal focusing on new opportunities

  - Use art or music therapy for expression

2. Social Reconstruction

  - Join singles' holiday events

  - Connect with others going through similar experiences

  - Build new friend groups through shared interests

  - Practice setting boundaries with mutual friends

  - Create new holiday traditions with supportive people

3. Personal Growth

  - Take classes or workshops during the holiday season

  - Learn new skills you've always wanted to develop

  - Redecorate your space to reflect your new life

  - Plan solo adventures or travel

  - Focus on self-discovery and personal values

Grieving a Friend: Friend loss, whether through death, distance, or relationship breakdown, creates a unique form of grief that society often minimizes. During the holidays, you might experience:

- Emotional Responses

 - Deep sadness about lost shared experiences

 - Anger about unresolved conflicts

 - Confusion about the relationship's end

 - Loneliness in group situations

 - Difficulty forming new friendships

 - Fear of vulnerability

- Social Impact

 - Changes in friend group dynamics

 - Lost holiday traditions and gatherings

 - Shifted social support systems

 - Altered social media experiences

 - Changed holiday plans and activities

Detailed Coping Strategies:

1. Processing the Loss

  - Journal about the friendship's impact

  - Create a memory book of good times

  - Write about lessons learned

  - Practice forgiveness work if needed

  - Honor the role they played in your life

2. Building New Connections

  - Join friendship apps or groups

  - Attend community holiday events

  - Volunteer for causes you care about

  - Take group classes or workshops

  - Host gatherings for new connections

3. Personal Development

  - Reflect on friendship patterns

  - Work on communication skills

  - Develop healthy boundaries

  - Build self-reliance

  - Create new friendship rituals

Grief extends beyond personal relationships to include various life changes that can feel especially difficult during the holidays:

- Health-Related Loss

 - Chronic illness diagnosis

 - Mobility changes

 - Mental health challenges

 - Fertility struggles

 - Body image changes

 - Lost activities or abilities

- Career and Financial Loss

 - Job loss or career change

 - Business closure

 - Financial instability

 - Professional identity shifts

 - Work relationship changes

 - Lost opportunities

- Environmental and Community Loss

 - Moving away from home

 - Natural disaster impact

 - Community changes

 - Cultural disconnection

 - Environmental degradation

 - Lost sense of belonging

Detailed Coping Strategies:

1. Health-Related Loss

  - Adapt traditions to new capabilities

  - Find supportive medical professionals

  - Join condition-specific support groups

  - Explore adaptive equipment and solutions

  - Focus on what you can still do

  - Create new ways to celebrate

2. Career and Financial Loss

  - Develop a holiday budget plan

  - Find low-cost celebration alternatives

  - Create meaningful non-material traditions

  - Network for new opportunities

  - Seek financial counseling

  - Focus on personal growth

3. Environmental and Community Loss

  - Build virtual connections

  - Create new community spaces

  - Maintain long-distance relationships

  - Document and share memories

  - Find ways to contribute locally

  - Create hybrid traditions

                                                         Comprehensive Self-Care Strategies

Physical Self-Care

1. Body Management

  - Regular sleep schedule (7-9 hours)

  - Balanced nutrition with mood-supporting foods

  - Gentle exercise appropriate to your ability

  - Proper hydration

  - Regular medical check-ups

2. Stress Reduction

  - Progressive muscle relaxation

  - Deep breathing exercises

  - Yoga or gentle stretching

  - Regular outdoor time

  - Massage or physical therapy

  - Aromatherapy

3. Environment

  - Create a calming home space

  - Maintain comfortable temperature

  - Use appropriate lighting

  - Reduce noise pollution

  - Keep organized spaces

  - Have a designated relaxation area

Emotional Self-Care

1. Emotional Processing

  - Daily emotional check-ins

  - Mood tracking

  - Expressive arts

  - Music therapy

  - Movement therapy

  - Regular journaling

2. Mindfulness Practices

  - Guided meditation

  - Breathing exercises

  - Body scanning

  - Present moment awareness

  - Gratitude practice

  - Nature connection

3. Boundary Setting

  - Learning to say no

  - Time management

  - Energy preservation

  - Social media limits

  - Work-life balance

  - Communication skills

Professional Support Options: You are not alone.

Therapy Modalities

1. Individual Therapy

  - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

  - Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

  - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

  - Narrative Therapy

  - Art Therapy

  - Music Therapy

2. Group Therapy

  - Process groups

  - Skills-based groups

  - Support groups

  - Educational groups

  - Activity-based groups

3. Online Support

  - Teletherapy sessions

  - App-based support

  - Online communities

  - Virtual support groups

  - Digital resources

Expanded Resources and Contact Information

Crisis Support

- National Crisis Hotline: 988 (24/7)

 - Multiple languages available

 - Text and chat options

 - Specialized support for veterans

- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

 - 24/7 support

 - Trained crisis counselors

 - Free service

Specialized Grief Support Organizations

1. The Dougy Center (www.dougy.org)

  - Phone: 866-775-5683

  - Specialized programs for children and teens

  - Parent support groups

  - Educational resources

  - Professional training

2. GriefShare (www.griefshare.org)

  - Phone: 800-395-5755

  - Local support group finder

  - Daily email encouragement

  - Holiday survival guide

  - Video resources

3. Modern Loss (www.modernloss.com)

  - Online community

  - Resource articles

  - Personal stories

  - Professional directory

  - Educational webinars

Online Communities and Forums

1. Option B (www.optionb.org)

  - Peer support groups

  - Resource library

  - Expert advice

  - Personal stories

  - Community forums

2. Grief in Common (www.griefincommon.com)

  - Matching with similar grievers

  - Private messaging

  - Group discussions

  - Resource center

  - Professional directory

3. Grief Healing Discussion Groups (www.griefhealing.com)

  - Moderated forums

  - Specialized topics

  - Expert guidance

  - Resource library

  - Newsletter

Divorce and Separation Support

1. DivorceCare (www.divorcecare.org)

  - Phone: 800-489-7778

  - Local group finder

  - Online courses

  - Holiday survival guide

  - Co-parenting resources

2. INSPIRE Therapy & Wellness

  - Specialized divorce recovery programs

  - Individual counseling

  - Group support

  - Financial planning

  - Legal resources

3. Online Divorce Support Groups

  - Facebook communities

  - Reddit communities

  - Local meetup groups

  - Professional networks

  - Co-parenting apps

Professional Organizations for Additional Support

1. American Counseling Association

  - Therapist finder

  - Educational resources

  - Professional standards

  - Research updates

  - Crisis information

2. National Association of Social Workers

  - Provider directory

  - Resource library

  - Advocacy information

  - Educational materials

  - Professional support

3. American Psychological Association

  - Psychologist finder

  - Research database

  - Public resources

  - Educational materials

  - Crisis support

Please Remember

- Grief is a unique and personal journey

- There is no timeline for healing

- All emotions are valid and natural

- Healing isn't linear or predictable

- Support is always available

- You deserve care and compassion

- Professional help is a sign of strength

- Connection with others can help

- Your feelings matter

- Hope and healing are possible

****Please see previous blogs on grieving during the holidays and grieving at Jessicaannnepressler.com

References

1. Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner

2. Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss

3. Harris, D. L. (2020). Non-Death Loss and Grief: Context and Clinical Implications

4. Neimeyer, R. A. (2016). Techniques of Grief Therapy: Assessment and Intervention

5. Boss, P. (2016). Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work With Ambiguous Loss

6. Doka, K. J. (2016). Grief Is a Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss

7. Wolfelt, A. D. (2019). The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner

8. Cacciatore, J. (2017). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

9. Samuel, J. (2017). Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death, and Surviving

10. O'Malley, T. (2015). Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss

Disclaimer: this is not a substitute for therapy. This is written for educational and entertainment purposes for emergencies. Please call 911 for crisis and suicidal ideation. Please call 988.