Coping with the Effects of Estrangement from Adult Children / Grandchildren
By Jessica Anne Pressler LCSW
It can be devastating for all parties involved. Often, but not always, the grandchildren are estranged from their grandparents because of the estrangement of the parent and adult child. The person that desires a connection, often feels helpless, as they wait for the other person to connect. All parties are often suffering, though this blog focuses primarily on the person that has not made the decision to be alienated, I must recognize that the person that made that decision usually does so because they are feeling a myriad of emotions such as emotional pain, anger, or a need to protect themselves. There may be a history of abuse or history of alienation from the other parent since the adult child’s childhood.
Here are some of the possible effects of child and grandchild estrangement:
Child and grandchild estrangement is a significant stressor that can impact mental health, physical health, and quality of life.
Mental health issues: Parents and grandparents who experience estrangement are more likely to experience:
1. Depression
2. Anxiety
3. Psychological distress
4. Feeling rejected, abandoned, or betrayed
5. Guilt or shame
6. Anger or hostility
7. Sense of helplessness
8. Suicidal ideation or attempts
9. Substance abuse or addiction
10. Poor self-esteem or self-worth
11. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Physical health problems: Chronic stress associated with estrangement can lead to physical health problems, such as:
1. Headaches or migraines
2. Chronic pain
3. Cardiovascular disease
4. Digestive problems
5. High blood pressure
6. Weakened immune system
7. Sleep issues, including insomnia
8. Fatigue or lethargy
9. Eating disorders
10. Cognitive decline or memory loss
Social isolation: Estrangement can lead to social isolation and a lack of support, which can further exacerbate mental health and physical health problems. Social Effects can be:
1. Social isolation or loneliness
2. Relationship conflict with those not involved in the estrangement
3. Loss of identity or purpose
4. Change in social roles and responsibilities
5. Disconnection from community activities
6. Difficulty trusting others
7. The strain on marital or familial relationships
8. Difficulties in creating and maintaining friendships
9. Decreased involvement in recreational activities
10. Changes in employment or career path
11. Cognitive decline: Grandparents who are estranged from their grandchildren may experience a decline in cognitive function, as the loss of social interaction can lead to a decrease in cognitive stimulation.
Intergenerational effects:
Child and grandchild estrangement can have intergenerational effects, as grandchildren who grow up without a relationship with their grandparents may repeat the cycle of estrangement with their own children, or grandparents may miss out on seeing the next generation grow up.
Allow yourself to grieve: It can be helpful to acknowledge and accept your feelings of loss and sadness. It's important to allow yourself the space to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and regular sleep. Ensure you are engaging in activities that bring you joy and purpose.
Consider therapy or counseling: Speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore and process your emotions and help you develop strategies to cope with the situation.
Reach out for support: Consider joining a support group or talking with friends and family who have gone through a similar experience can provide much-needed support.
Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness can be a powerful tool in rebuilding relationships, but it can also help you move on if reconciliation is not possible.
Respect boundaries: If your child or grandchild has established boundaries with you, it is important to respect them. Pushing back or disregarding boundaries may make the situation worse.
Establish Boundaries: Communicate consistently and calmly with your estranged children/grandchildren about your boundaries, so they are aware of acceptable communication and behaviors.
Acceptance and self-compassion: Accept that the estrangement has occurred, be kind to yourself, and practice self-care. Understand that having an estranged child or grandchild is not your fault.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation can help individuals cope with feelings of anxiety and depression by focusing on the present moment.
Develop new social connections: Lean on other people to cultivate new relationships with people who share similar interests or life experiences.
Reframe the situation: Change how you look at the situation by focusing on new positive experiences, discovering the unique insights to be gained from challenges, and avoiding negative self-talk.
Seek legal support: Consult legal counsel to discuss your rights and recourse (if applicable).
Cultivate gratitude: Practicing gratitude can help individuals focus on positive moments, strengthen their emotional well-being, and improve relationships.
Focus on personal growth: Engage in creative and productive activities that can aid in personal growth, and engage in hobbies or interests that were pushed aside for long
Remember that seeking help and support is not a sign of weakness, but rather an essential part of taking care of oneself. Coping with child and grandchild estrangement takes time and effort but through patience and persistence, it's possible to move forward and cope positive.
Here are a few online support groups for individuals experiencing child and grandchild estrangement:
1. Grandparents of Estranged Grandchildren Facebook Group: A closed Facebook group for grandparents who are estranged from their grandchildren.
2. Parents of Estranged Adult Children Facebook Group: A closed Facebook group for parents who are estranged from their adult children.
3. The Estrangement Support Network: This is a website that provides support for individuals experiencing family estrangement. It includes chat rooms, peer support groups, and resources.
4. Parents of Estranged Adult Children (PEACE): PEACE is a support group that provides a safe and confidential space for parents who are estranged from their adult children. The group meets online, and members can connect via phone and email.
5. Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA): AGA is a support group for grandparents who have been cut off from their grandchildren. They offer support groups that meet either in person or online.
6. Psychological Counseling Services: PSC is an online counseling service that specializes in helping individuals cope with relationship issues, such as estrangement from family members. They offer online counseling services, including support groups and one-on-one sessions.
7. Family Estrangement Support Group: This is an online support group that provides a safe and supportive space for individuals experiencing estrangement from their children or grandchildren.
8. It's also worth seeking out local support groups in your area, which can provide a more personalized and face-to-face experience. Check with your local community center or mental health professionals for information on support groups.
9. Check if the community or group is a good fit for you on a personal level, it's also advised to consult with a therapist or counselor for more individualized support.
It is important to note that not all individuals who experience child and grandchild estrangement will experience all these effects, and the severity of the impact may vary from person to person. However, it is essential to be aware of potential consequences and seek support when coping with estrangement. Dealing with the estrangement of a child or grandchild can be incredibly challenging and painful. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that many families go through this type of struggle.
Here is a list of additional articles that discuss how to cope with grandchild orparental estrangement: These articles offer additional insights into coping strategies for grandparents and parents experiencing estrangement with their children and grandchildren, highlighting the importance of seeking support, developing coping skills and finding ways of maintaining contact with family members.
1. "Grandparent-Grandchild Relationships: Current Issues and Future Directions." by Karen Fingerman and Kira Birditt in Current Directions in Psychological Science (2011): This article discusses strategies for improving grandparent-grandchild relationship quality, including coping with estrangement.
2. "Grandparent estrangement: What does it mean for later life?" by Christine A. Fruhaufand Donna L. Sollie in Journal of Aging Studies (2017): This research article examines the effect of grandchild-grandparent estrangement in later life, and suggests coping strategies for grandparents, including seeking support and finding ways to maintain contact with grandchildren and family.
3. "Grandparent-Grandchild Estrangement: The Role of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)" by John S. Rolland, Abigail B. Stewart, and Ann H. Rosenfield in Journal of Family Issues (2019): This article discusses the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in helping grandparents cope with estrangement from their grandchildren.
4. "The Lonely Grandparent: Implications of Family Estrangement" by Amber L. McAlister and Megan E. Rokop in Communication Studies (2018): This research article explores the experiences of estranged grandparents and provides insights into strategies for improving coping with estrangement.
5. These articles offer valuable insights into parental adult-child estrangement, including understanding the causes of estrangement and offering practical strategies for improving communication and reconciliation.
6. "Estrangement, alienation, and disownment in families" by Richard J. Gelles in Journal of Family Violence (1988): This article describes the common reasons for estrangement between parents and adult children and offers strategies for dealing with estrangement.
7. "When Parents Are Estranged From Their Adult Children" by Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D. in Psychology Today (2021): This article provides an overview of the different types of parental estrangement, the psychological impact of estrangement, and offers strategies for reconciling with adult children.
8. "Family Estrangement: A Mixed-Methods Study into Senior Parent-Adult Child Relationship Discordance" by Marcus S. S. Kietzmann and Stephen Teo in Journal of Family Issues (2018): This research article examines the causes and coping strategies associated with estrangement between senior parents and their adult children.
9. "Estrangement from Adult Children: A Qualitative Study" by Amanda M. Sheffield Morris, Melinda L. Carlson, and Sheryl Pimlott-Kubiak in Journal of Divorce & Remarriage (2016): This research article explores the reasons for estrangement between parents and adult children and suggests coping strategies to improve communication and relationship quality.
10. "Making Sense of Familial Disownment: A Qualitative Study with Disowned Adults and Parents Who Disowned" by Lucy Blake, Esmeralda M. Brown, and E. David Klonsky in Journal of Family Psychology (2015): This article explores the mental health impact of parental disownment and provides strategies for reconciling with disowned adult children.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this website; blog, video, articles, media, social media, book, and references, are ONLY for informational and entertainment purposes. It is NOT intended as a psychological service, diagnostic tool, medical treatment, personal advice, counseling, or determination of risk and should not be used as a substitute for treatment by psychological or medical services. Please seek consultation by an appropriate healthcare provider.
Call 911 if there is an emergency.
Call or text 988, which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,
Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed.
Looking at, reading, listening to any information on my website, or book, and communicating with me by email or any other communication with me, you acknowledge and agree that we do not have a professional/client relationship. Use of this site and information associated with this site is solely at the visitor’s own risk.
