by Jessica Anne Pressler LCSW

Let’s first understand the person who has high narcissistic personality traits:

In this blog, I will be discussing people who has narcissistic personality traits, not people diagnosed with NPD. These are people who could be a family member, next door neighbor, your girlfriend, etc. I hope this helps you navigate difficult relationships with someone with narcissistic traits. 

Narcissistic personality traits can manifest in various aspects of a person's life, affecting romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, and professional environments. Individuals with these traits are characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. 

Narcissistic Supply:

At the core of narcissistic behavior is the constant need for narcissistic supply - a form of attention, admiration, or recognition that feeds the narcissist's ego (Vaknin, 2015). This supply can come from various sources:

1. Positive attention: Praise, compliments, and expressions of awe or envy

2. Negative attention: Reactions of shock, anger, or distress in response to their behavior

3. Control: The ability to manipulate or influence others' actions and emotions

Individuals with narcissistic traits are adept at cultivating situations and relationships that provide this supply, often at the expense of genuine, reciprocal connections.

Manipulation Tactics:

To maintain their narcissistic supply, those with narcissistic traits employ a range of manipulation tactics:

1. Gaslighting: Making victims doubt their own perceptions and memories

2. Love bombing: Overwhelming with affection to create dependency

3. Triangulation: Introducing a third party to create jealousy or insecurity

4. Projection: Attributing their own negative traits or behaviors to others

5. Silent treatment: Withdrawing affection or communication as punishment

These tactics serve to maintain control over their victims and ensure a steady stream of narcissistic supply (Arabi, 2017).

Lack of Empathy:

One of the most damaging aspects of narcissistic traits is the profound lack of empathy. This inability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others leads to:

1. Disregard for others' emotional pain

2. Exploitation of others for personal gain

3. Inability to form deep, meaningful connections

4. Lack of genuine remorse for hurtful actions

This empathy deficit can cause significant emotional damage to those in close relationships with the narcissist (Ronningstam, 2016).

Impact on Different Relationships:

1. Romantic Relationships:

Partners of individuals with narcissistic traits often experience emotional abuse, manipulation, and a constant sense of walking on eggshells. The relationship typically revolves around the narcissist's needs, leaving the partner feeling neglected and devalued.

2. Family Dynamics:

In families, narcissistic traits can lead to toxic parent-child relationships, sibling rivalry, and generational patterns of abuse. Children of narcissistic parents may struggle with self-esteem issues and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.

3. Friendships:

Friends of individuals with narcissistic traits often find themselves in one-sided relationships, constantly providing emotional support without receiving any in return. These friendships can be draining and ultimately unsustainable.

4. Workplace:

In professional settings, narcissistic traits can manifest as taking credit for others' work, bullying colleagues, or creating a toxic work environment. This can lead to decreased productivity, high turnover rates, and a general atmosphere of mistrust and anxiety.

Flying Monkeys and Lack of Support:

"Flying monkeys" is a term used to describe individuals who, wittingly or unwittingly, do the narcissist's bidding (Streep, 2016). These individuals may:

1. Spread gossip or false information about the narcissist's victims

2. Pressure victims to forgive or reconcile with the narcissist

3. Invalidate the victim's experiences or emotions

4. Provide the narcissist with information about the victim

The use of flying monkeys can create a lack of support for the victim, as friends, family members, or colleagues may be manipulated into taking the narcissist's side. This isolation can make it even more challenging for victims to recognize and escape abusive situations.

Now get more specific and let’s discuss the different types of people with narcissistic traits 

1. Grandiose Narcissist

Characteristics:

Grandiose narcissists display overt self-importance, arrogance, and an insatiable need for admiration. They often have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and achievements, expecting constant praise and recognition (Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Boasting and self-aggrandizement

- Belittling others to feel superior

- Demanding special treatment or privileges

- Using charm and charisma to manipulate others

How to Respond:

- Set firm boundaries and stick to them

- Don't feed their ego with excessive praise

- Maintain emotional distance

- Use the "gray rock" method to become uninteresting to them

Healing:

- Work on rebuilding self-esteem

- Challenge internalized negative beliefs

- Seek therapy to process the emotional impact

- Practice self-compassion and self-care

2. Vulnerable Narcissist

Characteristics:

Vulnerable narcissists are hypersensitive, insecure, and often display passive-aggressive behaviors. They have a fragile self-esteem and tend to be more introverted than their grandiose counterparts (Dickinson & Pincus, 2003).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Playing the victim to gain sympathy

- Using subtle put-downs and criticisms

- Employing guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation

- Passive-aggressive behaviors

How to Respond:

- Recognize and call out passive-aggressive behaviors

- Don't take responsibility for their emotions

- Set clear boundaries and expectations

- Use assertive communication techniques

Healing:

- Learn to validate your own experiences and emotions

- Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in reality

- Seek support from a therapist experienced in narcissistic abuse

- Build a strong support network

3. Malignant Narcissist

Characteristics:

Malignant narcissists combine narcissistic traits with antisocial behaviors, paranoia, and aggression. They are often described as the most dangerous type of narcissist (Kernberg, 1984).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Gaslighting and reality distortion

- Intimidation and threats

- Exploitation of others for personal gain

- Sadistic behaviors and enjoyment of others' pain

How to Respond:

- Prioritize your safety above all else

- Document all incidents of abuse

- Seek professional help and support

- Consider legal action if necessary

Healing:

- Engage in trauma-focused therapy

- Practice grounding techniques for managing anxiety and fear

- Build a strong support system

- Focus on reclaiming your sense of safety and trust

4. Somatic Narcissist

Characteristics:

Somatic narcissists are obsessed with their physical appearance and sexual prowess. They derive their self-worth from their body and sexual conquests (Vaknin, 2001).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Using physical appearance to manipulate others

- Engaging in sexual manipulation and conquest

- Constantly seeking validation for their appearance

- Criticizing others' physical attributes

How to Respond:

- Don't engage in discussions about physical appearance

- Maintain strong boundaries around sexual behavior

- Focus on internal qualities rather than external attributes

- Avoid comparisons or competition based on looks

Healing:

- Work on developing a healthy body image

- Challenge societal beauty standards

- Engage in activities that promote self-worth beyond physical appearance

- Seek therapy to address any internalized body image issues

5. Cerebral Narcissist

Characteristics:

Cerebral narcissists pride themselves on their intelligence and knowledge. They seek admiration for their intellectual abilities and often look down on those they perceive as less intelligent (Vaknin, 2001).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Intellectual put-downs and condescension

- Using complex language to confuse or intimidate

- Claiming superior knowledge or expertise

- Dismissing others' opinions or ideas

How to Respond:

- Don't engage in intellectual competitions

- Validate your own knowledge and opinions

- Set boundaries around respectful communication

- Seek out other sources of intellectual stimulation

Healing:

- Work on building confidence in your own intelligence

- Engage in continuous learning and personal growth

- Challenge internalized beliefs about your intellectual worth

- Seek therapy to address any cognitive distortions

6. Communal Narcissist

Characteristics:

Communal narcissists derive their narcissistic supply from appearing virtuous or altruistic. They seek admiration for their perceived helpfulness and moral superiority (Gebauer et al., 2012).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Virtue signaling and moral grandstanding

- Using "good deeds" for attention and praise

- Shaming others for not being as "virtuous"

- Exaggerating their contributions to causes

How to Respond:

- Focus on actions rather than words

- Don't engage in competitions of virtue

- Set boundaries around volunteering and charitable activities

- Recognize genuine altruism versus self-serving behavior

Healing:

- Reconnect with your own values and beliefs

- Engage in genuine acts of kindness without seeking recognition

- Challenge beliefs about self-worth being tied to perceived virtue

- Seek therapy to address any codependent tendencies

7. Spiritual Narcissist

Characteristics:

Spiritual narcissists use spiritual or religious beliefs to feel superior to others. They often claim special insight or connection to the divine (Welwood, 2000).

Manipulation Tactics:

- Claiming divine authority or special spiritual knowledge

- Shaming others for lack of faith or spiritual practices

- Using spiritual beliefs to control or manipulate others

- Twisting spiritual teachings for personal gain

How to Respond:

- Trust your own spiritual experiences and beliefs

- Set boundaries around spiritual practices

- Seek out diverse spiritual perspectives

- Don't allow others to shame you for your beliefs or practices

Healing:

- Reconnect with your personal spiritual path

- Engage in spiritual practices that feel authentic to you

- Seek support from spiritual leaders or counselors who respect boundaries

- Work on developing a healthy relationship with spirituality

Knowledge is one of our superpowers. Understanding narcissistic traits and their impact on relationships is crucial for identifying and protecting oneself from potentially harmful situations. Whether in romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, or professional environments, the manipulation tactics, lack of empathy, and use of flying monkeys can cause significant emotional damage to those involved.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards setting healthy boundaries and seeking support. For those who have been affected by individuals with narcissistic traits, healing often involves therapy, rebuilding self-esteem, and learning to trust one's own perceptions and emotions again. It's important to remember that recovery is possible, and there are resources and support systems available for those who have experienced narcissistic abuse.

References:

Arabi, S. (2017). Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

Ronningstam, E. (2016). Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Recent Research and Clinical Implications. Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports, 3(1), 34-42.

Streep, P. (2016). Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life. Île D'Éspoir Press.

Vaknin, S. (2015). Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited. Narcissus Publishing.

Dickinson, K. A., & Pincus, A. L. (2003). Interpersonal analysis of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Journal of Personality Disorders, 17(3), 188-207.

Gebauer, J. E., Sedikides, C., Verplanken, B., & Maio, G. R. (2012). Communal narcissism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 103(5), 854-878.

Kernberg, O. F. (1984). Severe personality disorders: Psychotherapeutic strategies. Yale University Press.

Pincus, A. L., & Lukowitsky, M. R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 421-446.

Vaknin, S. (2001). Malignant self-love: Narcissism revisited. Narcissus Publishing.

Welwood, J. (2000). Toward a psychology of awakening: Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path of personal and spiritual transformation. Shambhala Publications.

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Call 911 if there is an emergency. 

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Call National Suicidal Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to someone 24/7 if needed. 

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